Sunday, October 31, 2010
Election Day
Voting for a politician is like choosing between two devils, you are just not quite sure which is slightly less evil.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Toothpaste Theory
Ahhh, a brand new tube of toothpaste. There is so much toothpaste in the tube, plenty of toothpaste to go around. You apply a generous application of toothpaste to your toothbrush without a care in the world. For months you enjoy generous helpings of toothpaste but after some time goes by, the amount of toothpaste in the tube begins to dwindle. The tube becomes harder and harder to squeeze. Your toothbrush gets less and less toothpaste each time you brush. Then the day comes when you squeeze so hard that your fingers hurt just to get a dribble smear onto the toothbrush before your throw the tube away.
Fossil fuels are a tube of toothpaste. At first large quantities of oil were found but as time goes by we are finding less and less oil. Pretty soon we’ll be squeezing the end of the tube hoping to get just a little bit more before the tube is empty. The fossil fuel tube is going to hurt more than just our fingers. It’s time for us to start thinking about switching to a different brand of toothpaste, one with a much larger tube.
Fossil fuels are a tube of toothpaste. At first large quantities of oil were found but as time goes by we are finding less and less oil. Pretty soon we’ll be squeezing the end of the tube hoping to get just a little bit more before the tube is empty. The fossil fuel tube is going to hurt more than just our fingers. It’s time for us to start thinking about switching to a different brand of toothpaste, one with a much larger tube.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Being a Teacher
Being a teacher is like being a waiter at a restaurant where the customers keep coming back for forty-five minutes every week day even though they hate the food and the service. Finally, after about nine months of complaining they stop coming to the restaurant. After a couple of months the customers come back to the restaurant and they get a new waiter. In the meantime, the original waiter gets a whole new set of customers who also hate the food and the service and the entire process continues on for many years.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Anthony the Ant Becomes Human (except 2)
Anthony and the other ants marched their way back to the pantry. Anthony couldn’t help but have an eerie feeling. He didn’t realize until now how dangerous it was stealing from the humans. When Anthony got to the pantry he became extremely nervous. He felt like at any moment the door would fly open and he would be the next to be squashed.
The box that they had been taking food from was gone. The recon team had tapped into another box and the ants started taking food from there.
There was also this black disk structure with a dome over it. Anthony saw a couple of ants go inside and when they came out they whispered, “Hey. There’s food in here.”
One of the members of the recon team came down from his post to check the quality of the food. Before the recon team member got there a few more ants went inside the dome. When the recon member saw that the ants had chunks of blue material his eyes got wide.
“Drop the food,” he said firmly. The ants that had gone inside looked at each other in amazement. The recon member went on, “Drop the food. Do it now. It’s poison!”
The ants quickly dropped the blue substance and they all got extremely scared.
“Oh my gosh,” one ant said.
“What’s going to happen,” another ant questioned.
“Are we going to die,” one ant said as he began to panic.
The recon member motioned to the rest of the recon team to come down. In the mean time he pointed at the rest of the ants. “You ants, outta here,” and he pointed to the crack in the wall.
Anthony and the other ants left and waited on the other side of the wall. One recon member came and guarded the entrance so no other ants could get in or out. Anthony wondered what was going on inside the pantry. Were those ants going to die? After a few minutes of waiting the recon guard told the ants what was going on.
“Alright everyone, listen up. The ants were taken to a quarantined area. It will be a little while before we know their prognosis. The area is now safe to return to. Be advised: Stay far away from black domes and blue food. It typically means poison.”
The ants were allowed back in but tensions were high. This was two days in a row with casualties and injuries. Anthony was truly getting terrified now.
The box that they had been taking food from was gone. The recon team had tapped into another box and the ants started taking food from there.
There was also this black disk structure with a dome over it. Anthony saw a couple of ants go inside and when they came out they whispered, “Hey. There’s food in here.”
One of the members of the recon team came down from his post to check the quality of the food. Before the recon team member got there a few more ants went inside the dome. When the recon member saw that the ants had chunks of blue material his eyes got wide.
“Drop the food,” he said firmly. The ants that had gone inside looked at each other in amazement. The recon member went on, “Drop the food. Do it now. It’s poison!”
The ants quickly dropped the blue substance and they all got extremely scared.
“Oh my gosh,” one ant said.
“What’s going to happen,” another ant questioned.
“Are we going to die,” one ant said as he began to panic.
The recon member motioned to the rest of the recon team to come down. In the mean time he pointed at the rest of the ants. “You ants, outta here,” and he pointed to the crack in the wall.
Anthony and the other ants left and waited on the other side of the wall. One recon member came and guarded the entrance so no other ants could get in or out. Anthony wondered what was going on inside the pantry. Were those ants going to die? After a few minutes of waiting the recon guard told the ants what was going on.
“Alright everyone, listen up. The ants were taken to a quarantined area. It will be a little while before we know their prognosis. The area is now safe to return to. Be advised: Stay far away from black domes and blue food. It typically means poison.”
The ants were allowed back in but tensions were high. This was two days in a row with casualties and injuries. Anthony was truly getting terrified now.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Jose and Amanda's Wedding
Jose and Amanda were married on June 20th and by June 21st they were already in the process of getting a divorce. Jose was caught with a half naked waitress in a janitor’s closet at the wedding reception before the sun even went down. Amanda had always thought that Jose’s flirting with other women was harmless. Come to find out it wasn’t and Jose was marring her simply because he thought with her he could get away with the infidelity. Apparently in previous relationships he wasn’t that good at being discrete.
Needless to say Amanda was a bit naive. Jose’s late nights with the guys really weren’t with the guys. Jose was with a variety of women while he was with Amanda. There was Rebecca who was a nurse for his grandmother when she was on her death bed. Cindy was a woman he meet while servicing her internet. Jose is a technician for Comcast. Bethany was Jose’s massage therapist. Emily was a bartender just a half mile from where Jose and Amanda lived.
Jose had a fearless attitude toward cheating. He really felt no guilt at all. To him it was a challenge. He thrived off of it. The day after the wedding Amanda, her family and close friends were throwing everything of Jose’s out into the street from the second floor apartment that was once theirs. Jose stood out on the street next to his 2004 Honda Accord. Jose had a zero expression on his face as his stuff flew down from the balcony. Jose would casually pick up the various personal items that had been strewn about the lawn. He was careful to look out for things coming from the balcony so he wouldn’t get hit. At one point while placing his items in the trunk of his car, his fifty inch plasma television flew out and smashed onto the ground. There was a small flinch and slight ‘oh’ face when it hit the ground. That was about the only tidbit of regret he felt.
Amanda came out to the balcony every once in awhile to scream, “Asshole,” or “Bastard!” Jose never responded.
After an hour or so the personal items stopped coming and Jose felt it was about time to be on his way. There was a woman he met at the supermarket when she was buying prime rib for her husband birthday. April and Jose had plans to meet later that evening.
The worst part of all this wasn’t Jose’s infidelity; it was that Jose was killing probably hundreds of people by this point. You see, Jose was HIV positive. He had contracted the virus about a year and a half ago. He had slept with dozens of women since then and those women had slept with other people afterwards. It was a horrible vicious domino effect that was bound to go on for some time before anyone would find out. If only Jose knew what how much physical and emotional pain he would be causing to all those people. If he knew he would definitely stop these horrible acts and finally show emotion for the pain and suffering that he caused. The shear magnitude he would never realize, only fathom. If only he would realize before it gets any worse.
Needless to say Amanda was a bit naive. Jose’s late nights with the guys really weren’t with the guys. Jose was with a variety of women while he was with Amanda. There was Rebecca who was a nurse for his grandmother when she was on her death bed. Cindy was a woman he meet while servicing her internet. Jose is a technician for Comcast. Bethany was Jose’s massage therapist. Emily was a bartender just a half mile from where Jose and Amanda lived.
Jose had a fearless attitude toward cheating. He really felt no guilt at all. To him it was a challenge. He thrived off of it. The day after the wedding Amanda, her family and close friends were throwing everything of Jose’s out into the street from the second floor apartment that was once theirs. Jose stood out on the street next to his 2004 Honda Accord. Jose had a zero expression on his face as his stuff flew down from the balcony. Jose would casually pick up the various personal items that had been strewn about the lawn. He was careful to look out for things coming from the balcony so he wouldn’t get hit. At one point while placing his items in the trunk of his car, his fifty inch plasma television flew out and smashed onto the ground. There was a small flinch and slight ‘oh’ face when it hit the ground. That was about the only tidbit of regret he felt.
Amanda came out to the balcony every once in awhile to scream, “Asshole,” or “Bastard!” Jose never responded.
After an hour or so the personal items stopped coming and Jose felt it was about time to be on his way. There was a woman he met at the supermarket when she was buying prime rib for her husband birthday. April and Jose had plans to meet later that evening.
The worst part of all this wasn’t Jose’s infidelity; it was that Jose was killing probably hundreds of people by this point. You see, Jose was HIV positive. He had contracted the virus about a year and a half ago. He had slept with dozens of women since then and those women had slept with other people afterwards. It was a horrible vicious domino effect that was bound to go on for some time before anyone would find out. If only Jose knew what how much physical and emotional pain he would be causing to all those people. If he knew he would definitely stop these horrible acts and finally show emotion for the pain and suffering that he caused. The shear magnitude he would never realize, only fathom. If only he would realize before it gets any worse.
Friday, October 1, 2010
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