Sunday, October 31, 2010
Election Day
Voting for a politician is like choosing between two devils, you are just not quite sure which is slightly less evil.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Toothpaste Theory
Ahhh, a brand new tube of toothpaste. There is so much toothpaste in the tube, plenty of toothpaste to go around. You apply a generous application of toothpaste to your toothbrush without a care in the world. For months you enjoy generous helpings of toothpaste but after some time goes by, the amount of toothpaste in the tube begins to dwindle. The tube becomes harder and harder to squeeze. Your toothbrush gets less and less toothpaste each time you brush. Then the day comes when you squeeze so hard that your fingers hurt just to get a dribble smear onto the toothbrush before your throw the tube away.
Fossil fuels are a tube of toothpaste. At first large quantities of oil were found but as time goes by we are finding less and less oil. Pretty soon we’ll be squeezing the end of the tube hoping to get just a little bit more before the tube is empty. The fossil fuel tube is going to hurt more than just our fingers. It’s time for us to start thinking about switching to a different brand of toothpaste, one with a much larger tube.
Fossil fuels are a tube of toothpaste. At first large quantities of oil were found but as time goes by we are finding less and less oil. Pretty soon we’ll be squeezing the end of the tube hoping to get just a little bit more before the tube is empty. The fossil fuel tube is going to hurt more than just our fingers. It’s time for us to start thinking about switching to a different brand of toothpaste, one with a much larger tube.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Being a Teacher
Being a teacher is like being a waiter at a restaurant where the customers keep coming back for forty-five minutes every week day even though they hate the food and the service. Finally, after about nine months of complaining they stop coming to the restaurant. After a couple of months the customers come back to the restaurant and they get a new waiter. In the meantime, the original waiter gets a whole new set of customers who also hate the food and the service and the entire process continues on for many years.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Anthony the Ant Becomes Human (except 2)
Anthony and the other ants marched their way back to the pantry. Anthony couldn’t help but have an eerie feeling. He didn’t realize until now how dangerous it was stealing from the humans. When Anthony got to the pantry he became extremely nervous. He felt like at any moment the door would fly open and he would be the next to be squashed.
The box that they had been taking food from was gone. The recon team had tapped into another box and the ants started taking food from there.
There was also this black disk structure with a dome over it. Anthony saw a couple of ants go inside and when they came out they whispered, “Hey. There’s food in here.”
One of the members of the recon team came down from his post to check the quality of the food. Before the recon team member got there a few more ants went inside the dome. When the recon member saw that the ants had chunks of blue material his eyes got wide.
“Drop the food,” he said firmly. The ants that had gone inside looked at each other in amazement. The recon member went on, “Drop the food. Do it now. It’s poison!”
The ants quickly dropped the blue substance and they all got extremely scared.
“Oh my gosh,” one ant said.
“What’s going to happen,” another ant questioned.
“Are we going to die,” one ant said as he began to panic.
The recon member motioned to the rest of the recon team to come down. In the mean time he pointed at the rest of the ants. “You ants, outta here,” and he pointed to the crack in the wall.
Anthony and the other ants left and waited on the other side of the wall. One recon member came and guarded the entrance so no other ants could get in or out. Anthony wondered what was going on inside the pantry. Were those ants going to die? After a few minutes of waiting the recon guard told the ants what was going on.
“Alright everyone, listen up. The ants were taken to a quarantined area. It will be a little while before we know their prognosis. The area is now safe to return to. Be advised: Stay far away from black domes and blue food. It typically means poison.”
The ants were allowed back in but tensions were high. This was two days in a row with casualties and injuries. Anthony was truly getting terrified now.
The box that they had been taking food from was gone. The recon team had tapped into another box and the ants started taking food from there.
There was also this black disk structure with a dome over it. Anthony saw a couple of ants go inside and when they came out they whispered, “Hey. There’s food in here.”
One of the members of the recon team came down from his post to check the quality of the food. Before the recon team member got there a few more ants went inside the dome. When the recon member saw that the ants had chunks of blue material his eyes got wide.
“Drop the food,” he said firmly. The ants that had gone inside looked at each other in amazement. The recon member went on, “Drop the food. Do it now. It’s poison!”
The ants quickly dropped the blue substance and they all got extremely scared.
“Oh my gosh,” one ant said.
“What’s going to happen,” another ant questioned.
“Are we going to die,” one ant said as he began to panic.
The recon member motioned to the rest of the recon team to come down. In the mean time he pointed at the rest of the ants. “You ants, outta here,” and he pointed to the crack in the wall.
Anthony and the other ants left and waited on the other side of the wall. One recon member came and guarded the entrance so no other ants could get in or out. Anthony wondered what was going on inside the pantry. Were those ants going to die? After a few minutes of waiting the recon guard told the ants what was going on.
“Alright everyone, listen up. The ants were taken to a quarantined area. It will be a little while before we know their prognosis. The area is now safe to return to. Be advised: Stay far away from black domes and blue food. It typically means poison.”
The ants were allowed back in but tensions were high. This was two days in a row with casualties and injuries. Anthony was truly getting terrified now.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Jose and Amanda's Wedding
Jose and Amanda were married on June 20th and by June 21st they were already in the process of getting a divorce. Jose was caught with a half naked waitress in a janitor’s closet at the wedding reception before the sun even went down. Amanda had always thought that Jose’s flirting with other women was harmless. Come to find out it wasn’t and Jose was marring her simply because he thought with her he could get away with the infidelity. Apparently in previous relationships he wasn’t that good at being discrete.
Needless to say Amanda was a bit naive. Jose’s late nights with the guys really weren’t with the guys. Jose was with a variety of women while he was with Amanda. There was Rebecca who was a nurse for his grandmother when she was on her death bed. Cindy was a woman he meet while servicing her internet. Jose is a technician for Comcast. Bethany was Jose’s massage therapist. Emily was a bartender just a half mile from where Jose and Amanda lived.
Jose had a fearless attitude toward cheating. He really felt no guilt at all. To him it was a challenge. He thrived off of it. The day after the wedding Amanda, her family and close friends were throwing everything of Jose’s out into the street from the second floor apartment that was once theirs. Jose stood out on the street next to his 2004 Honda Accord. Jose had a zero expression on his face as his stuff flew down from the balcony. Jose would casually pick up the various personal items that had been strewn about the lawn. He was careful to look out for things coming from the balcony so he wouldn’t get hit. At one point while placing his items in the trunk of his car, his fifty inch plasma television flew out and smashed onto the ground. There was a small flinch and slight ‘oh’ face when it hit the ground. That was about the only tidbit of regret he felt.
Amanda came out to the balcony every once in awhile to scream, “Asshole,” or “Bastard!” Jose never responded.
After an hour or so the personal items stopped coming and Jose felt it was about time to be on his way. There was a woman he met at the supermarket when she was buying prime rib for her husband birthday. April and Jose had plans to meet later that evening.
The worst part of all this wasn’t Jose’s infidelity; it was that Jose was killing probably hundreds of people by this point. You see, Jose was HIV positive. He had contracted the virus about a year and a half ago. He had slept with dozens of women since then and those women had slept with other people afterwards. It was a horrible vicious domino effect that was bound to go on for some time before anyone would find out. If only Jose knew what how much physical and emotional pain he would be causing to all those people. If he knew he would definitely stop these horrible acts and finally show emotion for the pain and suffering that he caused. The shear magnitude he would never realize, only fathom. If only he would realize before it gets any worse.
Needless to say Amanda was a bit naive. Jose’s late nights with the guys really weren’t with the guys. Jose was with a variety of women while he was with Amanda. There was Rebecca who was a nurse for his grandmother when she was on her death bed. Cindy was a woman he meet while servicing her internet. Jose is a technician for Comcast. Bethany was Jose’s massage therapist. Emily was a bartender just a half mile from where Jose and Amanda lived.
Jose had a fearless attitude toward cheating. He really felt no guilt at all. To him it was a challenge. He thrived off of it. The day after the wedding Amanda, her family and close friends were throwing everything of Jose’s out into the street from the second floor apartment that was once theirs. Jose stood out on the street next to his 2004 Honda Accord. Jose had a zero expression on his face as his stuff flew down from the balcony. Jose would casually pick up the various personal items that had been strewn about the lawn. He was careful to look out for things coming from the balcony so he wouldn’t get hit. At one point while placing his items in the trunk of his car, his fifty inch plasma television flew out and smashed onto the ground. There was a small flinch and slight ‘oh’ face when it hit the ground. That was about the only tidbit of regret he felt.
Amanda came out to the balcony every once in awhile to scream, “Asshole,” or “Bastard!” Jose never responded.
After an hour or so the personal items stopped coming and Jose felt it was about time to be on his way. There was a woman he met at the supermarket when she was buying prime rib for her husband birthday. April and Jose had plans to meet later that evening.
The worst part of all this wasn’t Jose’s infidelity; it was that Jose was killing probably hundreds of people by this point. You see, Jose was HIV positive. He had contracted the virus about a year and a half ago. He had slept with dozens of women since then and those women had slept with other people afterwards. It was a horrible vicious domino effect that was bound to go on for some time before anyone would find out. If only Jose knew what how much physical and emotional pain he would be causing to all those people. If he knew he would definitely stop these horrible acts and finally show emotion for the pain and suffering that he caused. The shear magnitude he would never realize, only fathom. If only he would realize before it gets any worse.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Derek's Lincoln Logs
The first thing everyone notices about Derek is his large smile, a smile so big that it makes his eyes squint. There is a gap in his front baby teeth that remind you of every 1st grader who ever lost a front tooth. Nothing makes Derek happier than building with his Lincoln Logs. Watching him build a house out of the logs with his prize winning smile, as it stretches from ear to ear would cause anyone to smile.
He carefully stacks the logs on top of one another slowly creating a house with windows, doors, a garage, and a roof. He even goes as far as putting matchbox cars inside the garage and trees in the yard. Derek will dump out the entire Lincoln Logs container just to find the right size log for his masterpiece. Derek is definitely short for his age which can plainly be seen when he stands up next to the large cylinder container in which the Lincoln logs came from. The container is half his height. His brown hair is so perfectly combed to one side resembling the classic little boy haircut with ears jutting out to each side. He wears a Yankees Derek Jeter shirt with grey shorts and dirty red Crocs that look like they have walked several thousand miles. Each Croc has 3 Jibbitz representing a race car, school bus and of course the Yankees emblem.
Derek’s uniqueness shines through his glistening big brown eyes. What Derek lacks in size he makes up in heart. He can give you a hug that only a 6 foot man could give. Whenever I see him no matter what he is doing or where he is, he will freeze and race up to me and give me this overpowering bear hug. That’s right; he’ll even stop building with his logs for a few moments just to give me a hug. He is such a kind, gentle and mature soul at just the young age of six.
He carefully stacks the logs on top of one another slowly creating a house with windows, doors, a garage, and a roof. He even goes as far as putting matchbox cars inside the garage and trees in the yard. Derek will dump out the entire Lincoln Logs container just to find the right size log for his masterpiece. Derek is definitely short for his age which can plainly be seen when he stands up next to the large cylinder container in which the Lincoln logs came from. The container is half his height. His brown hair is so perfectly combed to one side resembling the classic little boy haircut with ears jutting out to each side. He wears a Yankees Derek Jeter shirt with grey shorts and dirty red Crocs that look like they have walked several thousand miles. Each Croc has 3 Jibbitz representing a race car, school bus and of course the Yankees emblem.
Derek’s uniqueness shines through his glistening big brown eyes. What Derek lacks in size he makes up in heart. He can give you a hug that only a 6 foot man could give. Whenever I see him no matter what he is doing or where he is, he will freeze and race up to me and give me this overpowering bear hug. That’s right; he’ll even stop building with his logs for a few moments just to give me a hug. He is such a kind, gentle and mature soul at just the young age of six.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Adult Trap
You know you’re an adult when you ask for a wheel barrel for your birthday and for Christmas, a six foot ladder. I can remember the days of buying a 12 pack and being perfectly content on a Saturday. Now, I’m going to the store to buy an extension cord so I can trim the hedges. I recall the days of going out to the bar at 10 P.M. and getting to be bed sometime after 2 A.M. Now, I am in bed by 10 P.M. and up at 6 A.M. ready to mow the lawn and organize the basement. To top it all off I’m not even 30.
I see adolescents wishing they could at least be a little older than they are – but not quite as old as I am. And by golly gee, if I could somehow convince them to stop, to take every moment in and not have responsibilities, I would. But I guess it is just that natural tendency for adolescents to push to get older, push for freedom. But I’ll tell you I have never been freer than when I was a kid.
We get tricked into adulthood. Somewhere along our way from adolescence we go from wanting an electric guitar to adulthood when we now somehow want a snow blower. And we hope that this snow blower will make our lives easier but somehow the damn thing always breaks and makes more work for us.
And even though this sudden realization that adult life has arrived can be a little bit of a downer, it is still calming to know that I am thankful for all the years that I have lived and enjoyed. And even though the dizzying blurred whirlwind of my twenties is rapidly dwindling, I have learned now more than ever to pause whenever possible to soak up the wonderful experiences throughout my life and hold them for times when the maddening adulthood side of life like the work week takes hold. I keep in the back of my mind that life is a mixture of joy and pain. We can even go as far as saying that life can’t have joy without pain. And if that’s the case, bring on the pain. I will grin and bear it until the tables turn to bliss.
Life is a journey. Each step is uncharted territory and I am going to enjoy each step as it comes.
I see adolescents wishing they could at least be a little older than they are – but not quite as old as I am. And by golly gee, if I could somehow convince them to stop, to take every moment in and not have responsibilities, I would. But I guess it is just that natural tendency for adolescents to push to get older, push for freedom. But I’ll tell you I have never been freer than when I was a kid.
We get tricked into adulthood. Somewhere along our way from adolescence we go from wanting an electric guitar to adulthood when we now somehow want a snow blower. And we hope that this snow blower will make our lives easier but somehow the damn thing always breaks and makes more work for us.
And even though this sudden realization that adult life has arrived can be a little bit of a downer, it is still calming to know that I am thankful for all the years that I have lived and enjoyed. And even though the dizzying blurred whirlwind of my twenties is rapidly dwindling, I have learned now more than ever to pause whenever possible to soak up the wonderful experiences throughout my life and hold them for times when the maddening adulthood side of life like the work week takes hold. I keep in the back of my mind that life is a mixture of joy and pain. We can even go as far as saying that life can’t have joy without pain. And if that’s the case, bring on the pain. I will grin and bear it until the tables turn to bliss.
Life is a journey. Each step is uncharted territory and I am going to enjoy each step as it comes.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Eliot (Ellie) the Russian Tortoise gets Parasites
(Written from my wife's point of view)
You would think that it would be easy having a Russian tortoise as a pet. Sure it has been easy for my husband and I over the past six years that we have had our tortoise. Our tortoise, Eliot is confined to a large Rubbermaid container, approximately four feet long, two feet wide, and two feet tall, with four inches of dirt and wood chips. The container is right in front of a window, providing some natural light and ultra-violet radiation. The container rests on top of a stand that my husband made.
We have a 100 watt heat lamp which also provides the ultra-violet radiation that Eliot needs to stay health and strong. We also have a small 15 watt bulb on the other side of the container to provide a little extra light but also provide a cool area to escape the heat.
Eliot has a home which consists of a hollowed out log that is cut in half. I know that sounds complicated to make but it was easy to buy at the store. There is also a food dish and a water dish inside the Rubbermaid container. The water dish isn’t really for drinking, it’s more for soaking. Tortoises obtain the water they need by absorbing it through their skin and in the food they eat. Their diets are simple, broad leaf plants like romaine lettuce and dandelion greens. Occasionally, we sprinkle a little multi-vitamin dust on the food to insure Eliot gets the necessary vitamins.
Every once in awhile, we take Eliot into the backyard where we let him get some exercise by wondering around. We have to be careful that he doesn’t eat the grass because our lawn has fertilizers on it which can harm him. Of course, he is a tortoise and he doesn’t move very fast so my husband always has to make the same lame joke, “We have a Russian tortoise… but he’s not rushin’ anywhere.” The joke is usually accompanied by a big smile a hand jester which consists of a fist swinging across the front of his body. Most people respond by laughing but it’s at his own expense. He still thinks people are laughing at the joke.
This past summer my husband brought Eliot to the vet where he found out two things about Eliot; that Eliot was not a he but a she and that Eliot, now Ellie, has parasites. My husband was more distraught over the fact that his little buddy, his little boy, was now a girl! You would have thought that my husband was the one with the gender confusion. I can recall him calling one his friends and telling the story about how his tortoise is now a girl, and oh, by the way, now has parasites.
Solving the problem of the gender confusion was easy for Ellie. I’m sure she didn’t know the difference. Solving the parasite problem on the other hand took some persuading. Ellie had to receive three shots of medicine orally. Luckily, the first shot was given at the vet, which my husband said took three people, a spatula, and ten minutes to get into Ellie’s mouth.
The second shot was given a week later. My husband and I made an attempt that lasted about an hour before we gave up. My husband then drove forty-five minutes to the vet where it took them, once again, ten minutes to give Ellie the medicine and upon completion he then had to drive forty-five more minutes back home.
A week later my husband was so absolutely determined not to drive an hour and a half for the vet to spend ten minutes giving Ellie the medicine. After an hour of us holding her shell, keeping her legs back, keeping her head from scrunching back into her shell, and wedging a spatula in her tiny mouth, we were able to squirt the tiny bit of medicine in her mouth. Who ever thought that a tiny animal six inches in diameter could be so darn strong and stubborn? Maybe we need to cut back on the ultra-violet radiation.
You would think that it would be easy having a Russian tortoise as a pet. Sure it has been easy for my husband and I over the past six years that we have had our tortoise. Our tortoise, Eliot is confined to a large Rubbermaid container, approximately four feet long, two feet wide, and two feet tall, with four inches of dirt and wood chips. The container is right in front of a window, providing some natural light and ultra-violet radiation. The container rests on top of a stand that my husband made.
We have a 100 watt heat lamp which also provides the ultra-violet radiation that Eliot needs to stay health and strong. We also have a small 15 watt bulb on the other side of the container to provide a little extra light but also provide a cool area to escape the heat.
Eliot has a home which consists of a hollowed out log that is cut in half. I know that sounds complicated to make but it was easy to buy at the store. There is also a food dish and a water dish inside the Rubbermaid container. The water dish isn’t really for drinking, it’s more for soaking. Tortoises obtain the water they need by absorbing it through their skin and in the food they eat. Their diets are simple, broad leaf plants like romaine lettuce and dandelion greens. Occasionally, we sprinkle a little multi-vitamin dust on the food to insure Eliot gets the necessary vitamins.
Every once in awhile, we take Eliot into the backyard where we let him get some exercise by wondering around. We have to be careful that he doesn’t eat the grass because our lawn has fertilizers on it which can harm him. Of course, he is a tortoise and he doesn’t move very fast so my husband always has to make the same lame joke, “We have a Russian tortoise… but he’s not rushin’ anywhere.” The joke is usually accompanied by a big smile a hand jester which consists of a fist swinging across the front of his body. Most people respond by laughing but it’s at his own expense. He still thinks people are laughing at the joke.
This past summer my husband brought Eliot to the vet where he found out two things about Eliot; that Eliot was not a he but a she and that Eliot, now Ellie, has parasites. My husband was more distraught over the fact that his little buddy, his little boy, was now a girl! You would have thought that my husband was the one with the gender confusion. I can recall him calling one his friends and telling the story about how his tortoise is now a girl, and oh, by the way, now has parasites.
Solving the problem of the gender confusion was easy for Ellie. I’m sure she didn’t know the difference. Solving the parasite problem on the other hand took some persuading. Ellie had to receive three shots of medicine orally. Luckily, the first shot was given at the vet, which my husband said took three people, a spatula, and ten minutes to get into Ellie’s mouth.
The second shot was given a week later. My husband and I made an attempt that lasted about an hour before we gave up. My husband then drove forty-five minutes to the vet where it took them, once again, ten minutes to give Ellie the medicine and upon completion he then had to drive forty-five more minutes back home.
A week later my husband was so absolutely determined not to drive an hour and a half for the vet to spend ten minutes giving Ellie the medicine. After an hour of us holding her shell, keeping her legs back, keeping her head from scrunching back into her shell, and wedging a spatula in her tiny mouth, we were able to squirt the tiny bit of medicine in her mouth. Who ever thought that a tiny animal six inches in diameter could be so darn strong and stubborn? Maybe we need to cut back on the ultra-violet radiation.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Ashes
Tail is wagging
Mouth is grinning
Collar is red
Hair is whiter
............Many black spots
Hips are thinning
Trouble walking
Trouble sitting
Can’t get comfy
............She is fourteen
Heart is racing
Breath is heavy
Can't fall asleep
Bones protruding
............She’s not eating
Nose is wetter
Eyes are cloudy
Time is coming
Sooner than late
............Tears fill my eyes
Mouth is grinning
Collar is red
Hair is whiter
............Many black spots
Hips are thinning
Trouble walking
Trouble sitting
Can’t get comfy
............She is fourteen
Heart is racing
Breath is heavy
Can't fall asleep
Bones protruding
............She’s not eating
Nose is wetter
Eyes are cloudy
Time is coming
Sooner than late
............Tears fill my eyes
Ashes - Part 2
The call came in
The time had come
Emergency
We’ll wait for you
............Lump in my throat
Tail still wagging
Mouth still grinning
Trouble breathing
Carry her in
............Spirit alive
Tail stops wagging
She is nervous
Wants to get out
She won’t sit down
............Can’t get comfy
Pink injection
She fell asleep
Burst out crying
No more Ashes
............We will miss her
The time had come
Emergency
We’ll wait for you
............Lump in my throat
Tail still wagging
Mouth still grinning
Trouble breathing
Carry her in
............Spirit alive
Tail stops wagging
She is nervous
Wants to get out
She won’t sit down
............Can’t get comfy
Pink injection
She fell asleep
Burst out crying
No more Ashes
............We will miss her
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Passwords
Does anybody else think that computer passwords have gotten a little out of hand? About a year a go I decided to do all of my banking online. I signed up for online statements with banks, credit cards, student loans and my cell phone. Now, each one of these accounts has a different log-in name and password. I would have loved to use one log-in name and password so it would be easy to remember. That is not the case. Each company had a specific requirement for the log-in name and password and I’m taking about requirements way beyond adding a number at the end or a capital letter in the beginning.
No, some of these companies wanted special characters, while other companies wouldn’t allow them. The number of characters varied as well, some companies required no more than 7, while others required 6-10. Not to mention the companies that require a user to change the password every 30 days, and other companies that require a change every three months. It seems like every time I log on, I have to change the password for some account. At one point in time I counted 16 different companies, 11 different log-in names, and 10 different passwords and the list keeps growing.
Just the other day I was ordering pictures online through Walmart and I had to create a username and password. This very blog requires a username and password. It seems like I can’t do anything online without having to create a log-in name and password.
It got to the point where I would have log-in failures because I couldn’t remember my log-in name or password. How bad is that? I can’t even access my own account. I guess that is just really good security?
Trying to remember passwords and usernames got so bad that a few months ago I created a word document with all the companies, log-in names and passwords just so I wouldn’t have to try and remember it all. Think about it. I couldn’t remember my passwords so I had to put them down in writing. Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of a password? Now, if anyone saw this document with all the company names, passwords and such, they could have the account information of every single account that I have. How scary is that? What good is a password if I can’t even remember it?
No, some of these companies wanted special characters, while other companies wouldn’t allow them. The number of characters varied as well, some companies required no more than 7, while others required 6-10. Not to mention the companies that require a user to change the password every 30 days, and other companies that require a change every three months. It seems like every time I log on, I have to change the password for some account. At one point in time I counted 16 different companies, 11 different log-in names, and 10 different passwords and the list keeps growing.
Just the other day I was ordering pictures online through Walmart and I had to create a username and password. This very blog requires a username and password. It seems like I can’t do anything online without having to create a log-in name and password.
It got to the point where I would have log-in failures because I couldn’t remember my log-in name or password. How bad is that? I can’t even access my own account. I guess that is just really good security?
Trying to remember passwords and usernames got so bad that a few months ago I created a word document with all the companies, log-in names and passwords just so I wouldn’t have to try and remember it all. Think about it. I couldn’t remember my passwords so I had to put them down in writing. Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of a password? Now, if anyone saw this document with all the company names, passwords and such, they could have the account information of every single account that I have. How scary is that? What good is a password if I can’t even remember it?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Leaving Late at Night
It seems like every time we have people leaving our house after dark they flip the light switch up and down in an attempt to turn on the lights outside. This act actually makes the lights not work because, little do they know, the lights are on a motion sensor. For them I write this:
When leaving late at night
And in need of light
Just walk right out
And you’ll see about
When leaving late at night
And in need of light
Just walk right out
And you’ll see about
Sunday, August 15, 2010
An excerpt from: Anthony The Ant Becomes Human
At 5 A.M. the army horn sounded. Everyone woke and stood at attention except for Anthony. Anthony laid there sleeping while his comrades stood waiting for their orders. Trevor stood next to Anthony and nudged him trying to wake him. Anthony suddenly realized what was going on and he began to stand up. All of the army ants could see what was happening including one of the generals. The general approached Anthony and proceeded to scream at him.
“What is your problem solider?” The general screamed.
Anthony’s head was pounding and he could barely keep his eyes open. Anthony said quietly, “I don’t feel very good.”
“What did you say solider?” the general screamed.
Anthony spoke up, “I don’t feel very good, sir.
“You don’t feel very good?” the general yelled. “You don’t feel very good?” he repeated. “This is war solider. We don’t stop because we don’t feel very good. Report to me after today’s announcement.”
“Yes, sir.” Anthony responded.
The army ants all standing at attention were silent. They didn’t dare say a word or even look in the general’s direction. The commander-in-chief gave his morning speech:
“Attention soldiers. We have 250 troops arriving later today. We will continue to enlarge our base and continue to stock our food supply. Over the next two days we should have an army of 1,000 ants. We will then set up a base inside enemy territory. Once established we will begin our sneak attack on the humans food supply. Soldiers, move out!”
All the ants moved fast. As Trevor was leaving he leaned over to Anthony and said, “Sorry, Ant.” Anthony stood straight ahead and wondered what was in store for him. Once everyone had left the chamber the general approached him.
“Soldier, can you tell me why you don’t feel very good?” the general said with a stern voice.
“Sir, I drank honey last night.” Anthony said sheepishly.
The general became angry, “YOU DID WHAT!? Do you understand that honey is strictly forbidden inside the military?”
“I do now, sir.” said Anthony.
“Where did you get the honey from, soldier?” the general said with a disgusted tone.
Anthony thought for a moment. If he told the general where he got it from then the other ants would get in trouble and he didn’t want that to happen. “Soldier, I asked you a question!” the general shouted.
Anthony came up with a lie, “I found it hidden in the food supply.”
The general didn’t like Anthony’s answer. “Hidden in the food supply? You had better be telling the truth. If I find out you’re lying, you soldier, will be court-martialed.” Anthony trembled at the thought of being court-martialed. That meant he would be kicked out of the army, he would lose his trust with the colony, and have to do the worst job in the entire colony; he would have to remove…ant waste from the toilet chambers.
The general continued, “Now for your punishment. You will be attending boot camp today. I’m sure all the physical activity will make you feel much better. Do you understand, soldier?”
“Yes, sir,” Anthony said quietly.
The general shouted louder than ever, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, SOLIDER! I SAID, ‘DO YOU UNDERSTAND!’”
Anthony mustered up his strength and yelled as loud as he could, “YES, SIR!”
“What is your problem solider?” The general screamed.
Anthony’s head was pounding and he could barely keep his eyes open. Anthony said quietly, “I don’t feel very good.”
“What did you say solider?” the general screamed.
Anthony spoke up, “I don’t feel very good, sir.
“You don’t feel very good?” the general yelled. “You don’t feel very good?” he repeated. “This is war solider. We don’t stop because we don’t feel very good. Report to me after today’s announcement.”
“Yes, sir.” Anthony responded.
The army ants all standing at attention were silent. They didn’t dare say a word or even look in the general’s direction. The commander-in-chief gave his morning speech:
“Attention soldiers. We have 250 troops arriving later today. We will continue to enlarge our base and continue to stock our food supply. Over the next two days we should have an army of 1,000 ants. We will then set up a base inside enemy territory. Once established we will begin our sneak attack on the humans food supply. Soldiers, move out!”
All the ants moved fast. As Trevor was leaving he leaned over to Anthony and said, “Sorry, Ant.” Anthony stood straight ahead and wondered what was in store for him. Once everyone had left the chamber the general approached him.
“Soldier, can you tell me why you don’t feel very good?” the general said with a stern voice.
“Sir, I drank honey last night.” Anthony said sheepishly.
The general became angry, “YOU DID WHAT!? Do you understand that honey is strictly forbidden inside the military?”
“I do now, sir.” said Anthony.
“Where did you get the honey from, soldier?” the general said with a disgusted tone.
Anthony thought for a moment. If he told the general where he got it from then the other ants would get in trouble and he didn’t want that to happen. “Soldier, I asked you a question!” the general shouted.
Anthony came up with a lie, “I found it hidden in the food supply.”
The general didn’t like Anthony’s answer. “Hidden in the food supply? You had better be telling the truth. If I find out you’re lying, you soldier, will be court-martialed.” Anthony trembled at the thought of being court-martialed. That meant he would be kicked out of the army, he would lose his trust with the colony, and have to do the worst job in the entire colony; he would have to remove…ant waste from the toilet chambers.
The general continued, “Now for your punishment. You will be attending boot camp today. I’m sure all the physical activity will make you feel much better. Do you understand, soldier?”
“Yes, sir,” Anthony said quietly.
The general shouted louder than ever, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, SOLIDER! I SAID, ‘DO YOU UNDERSTAND!’”
Anthony mustered up his strength and yelled as loud as he could, “YES, SIR!”
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Oh, Those Many Have To Dos
Oh, those many have to dos make me frown
My Mom drags me all over town
First, for groceries at a supermarket store
And it was already a quarter to four
Then she made me get a haircut
All the way home I continued to moan
I ran to my room to use the phone
Mom said, “Set the table first.” I replied, “But…”
She nodded her head and refused to listen
I now had to wash the table until it would glisten
Finally, to my room I would go
But soon after, the dinner bell would blow
I quickly called Mike
Who had just finished a hike
But before I knew it
It was time to eat
Yuk, we were having a loaf of meat
During dinner all Mom wanted to know
“How was school today?”
And “What did you learn?”
I hoped the conversation would turn
Or I could eat in my room for just one day
Hopefully, the lawn didn’t need a mow
After dinner was what I would dread
Washing dishes and cleaning the table
Tomorrow in class we had to read a fable
Man, I had a scrambled head
Now it was homework time
I was board out of my mind
All these math facts I couldn’t find
Writing poems with words I couldn’t rhyme
Not even a minute break
And it was almost time for bed
Now I had to shower and brush teeth
Tomorrow morning a bed to make
And dishes to wash after I was fed
I want to fly high with the world beneath
Another school day
Thank goodness it was Friday
Oh darn, a writing test
Oh, how I would contest
Another new math fact
I felt like my head was already compact
How I wished for summer to come
When all I have to do is be a bum
Somehow I made it to recess
The end of school was an hour or less
Running, jumping and twirling, oh yes!
Look at that mess
A girl with ketchup on her dress
While counting down until the end of school
A test was passed back with an “A” on top
I was so shocked that my eyes did a pop
I guess I can write with this pencil tool
As I left that day
My teacher just had to say
My hard work will definitely pay
So keep up the good work
I hoped no one would call me a dork
I walked slowly out of the classroom
Just as the girl with the ketchup dress
Walked out of the girls bathroom
She said, “I must confess
I really like your haircut”
All I could mutter was “uht”
She smiled and skipped away
I think her name is May
She was kind of cute
And my heart gave a little toot
When I got home my head was spinning
I told my Mom about the test and the girl
She was happy and gave me more good news
We would go to the beach at my Aunt Sue’s
I dropped my bag and started to twirl
All I had to do was finish my room cleaning
Because of all the hard work I had done
We could spend the weekend there
I could bring a friend too to have fun
I gave her a big hug like a bear
It turns out hard work does pay
It just may not seem like it at the time
All day on the beach I would lay
And all the jetties I would climb
But I couldn’t help but think
About the cute girl named May
Ketchup stain or not
I wondered what I would say
So nervous my stomach would sink
It’s amazing how an annoying haircut
And a girl would make me such a nut
I guess haircuts aren’t so bad
And getting good grades makes me glad
Something I never thought I would say
I can’t wait for Monday
Just so I could see May
My Mom drags me all over town
First, for groceries at a supermarket store
And it was already a quarter to four
Then she made me get a haircut
All the way home I continued to moan
I ran to my room to use the phone
Mom said, “Set the table first.” I replied, “But…”
She nodded her head and refused to listen
I now had to wash the table until it would glisten
Finally, to my room I would go
But soon after, the dinner bell would blow
I quickly called Mike
Who had just finished a hike
But before I knew it
It was time to eat
Yuk, we were having a loaf of meat
During dinner all Mom wanted to know
“How was school today?”
And “What did you learn?”
I hoped the conversation would turn
Or I could eat in my room for just one day
Hopefully, the lawn didn’t need a mow
After dinner was what I would dread
Washing dishes and cleaning the table
Tomorrow in class we had to read a fable
Man, I had a scrambled head
Now it was homework time
I was board out of my mind
All these math facts I couldn’t find
Writing poems with words I couldn’t rhyme
Not even a minute break
And it was almost time for bed
Now I had to shower and brush teeth
Tomorrow morning a bed to make
And dishes to wash after I was fed
I want to fly high with the world beneath
Another school day
Thank goodness it was Friday
Oh darn, a writing test
Oh, how I would contest
Another new math fact
I felt like my head was already compact
How I wished for summer to come
When all I have to do is be a bum
Somehow I made it to recess
The end of school was an hour or less
Running, jumping and twirling, oh yes!
Look at that mess
A girl with ketchup on her dress
While counting down until the end of school
A test was passed back with an “A” on top
I was so shocked that my eyes did a pop
I guess I can write with this pencil tool
As I left that day
My teacher just had to say
My hard work will definitely pay
So keep up the good work
I hoped no one would call me a dork
I walked slowly out of the classroom
Just as the girl with the ketchup dress
Walked out of the girls bathroom
She said, “I must confess
I really like your haircut”
All I could mutter was “uht”
She smiled and skipped away
I think her name is May
She was kind of cute
And my heart gave a little toot
When I got home my head was spinning
I told my Mom about the test and the girl
She was happy and gave me more good news
We would go to the beach at my Aunt Sue’s
I dropped my bag and started to twirl
All I had to do was finish my room cleaning
Because of all the hard work I had done
We could spend the weekend there
I could bring a friend too to have fun
I gave her a big hug like a bear
It turns out hard work does pay
It just may not seem like it at the time
All day on the beach I would lay
And all the jetties I would climb
But I couldn’t help but think
About the cute girl named May
Ketchup stain or not
I wondered what I would say
So nervous my stomach would sink
It’s amazing how an annoying haircut
And a girl would make me such a nut
I guess haircuts aren’t so bad
And getting good grades makes me glad
Something I never thought I would say
I can’t wait for Monday
Just so I could see May
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